Monday October 10th

The headline in a daily paper I bought the other day for my mother-in-law promised that another winter of polar coldness was on its way, and told how local authorities had already laid in big stocks of rock salt to treat our roads. This is, of course, what local authorities always do at this time of the year, and this year they're bound to be using the experience of last year's icy blast as a guide - but we cannot with any confidence predict the weather more than four or five days ahead, only give rather vague guidance as to what just might possibly happen. But, for all that, we would like to know, and it's this basic desire that particular newspaper plays to . . . it seems to have a thing about extreme weather, and I recall a spring headline promising 100 plus temperatures all summer, something I seem to have missed.

We can't know the future, as regards the weather or anything else. Think-tanks, stock market analysts, opinion pollsters, crystal-ball gazers for that matter, they all have a go, but without much success. I have yet to see the headline "Astrologer wins top euro-lottery prize". As it happens, in a staged competition a year or two back between different kinds of future-predicters, the weather forecasters proved to be the most accurate, which doesn't say a very great deal for the others, I think.

I find myself longing to know what's next for me. I find myself longing to force the issue in some way, to get a result, a clear forecast, even if (as with predicted icy blasts) I don't much like what it says. It least it will be something. At present I'm in something of a no-man's land, waiting on the decisions of others, and wondering how strong and capable I really am by now in myself.

But perhaps I'm better advised to look back, rather than forward. We cannot know the future, we can only live the present. Nor can we dwell in the past, for yesterday is gone for ever - but it can be a good and healthy thing to look back along the road we've travelled in order to reflect and review and learn. And, for me anyway looking back, I can see how through some dark and difficult times there has been a real sense of God's presence and provision - of being held and protected and guided, and not abandoned. And so, knowing I am loved, I can dare to love, whatever happens next, and wherever life's road may take me.