Big Week

I'm writing this on a very pleasantly sunny afternoon in Brookfield, with siskins still congregating in our garden to dine at our bird-feeders. They are very noisy birds, and there must have been some thirty or so in a nearby tree this morning, twittering away at each other. They are a delight to watch.

But I shan't have much time to do that this week, as it's looking to be quite a busy one. Quite a big one too, I'd say. Whatever happens, things will look very different at the end of this week from how they are now. Wednesday is the significant day; an interview which will be over and done with in 45 minutes, but which is of - I expect - crucial importance.

So how do I prepare for it? In one sense, that has been the task of the past twelve months, working on the reasons why I am retired, invalided out of a priestly ministry which I always hoped and assumed (even) would be mine for life. After a lot of effort, and the patient help of some very good people, I am ready to dip my toe back into the water - or perhaps I should better say, my sense of being called to the ministry of priest has been restored.

For there is no going back - is there ever in life? Whatever ministry I may take on will be something new. I am not the same person as I was twelve months ago. The events and circumstances that triggered my resignation, and the events and circumstances of the twelve months since - all of that together has to be part of what I now am, and what I now am able to offer. What will that mean? I don't know. It's not impossible that nothing will be offered or made available that fits with who I now am, in which case there will be no new start, just, perhaps, a more permanent form of resignation.

I'm open to all possibilities, and I shall not be taking any agenda or road map into the decisive meetings I shall have this week. To be honest, important though the meetings may be, I can't help but feel I'd be happier and better not attending! But anyway, if God has things for me to do, he will enable me to do those things, I guess. This isn't quite a "whatever" moment - I do care more than that about what happens next - but I am prepared to go with the flow.

I can't see them just now, but the siskins are still happily twittering away somewhere. Perhaps I can manage to keep the same sunny disposition through this week? I hope so!