It would seem that 'package rage' is a growing phenomenon, particularly among the older age-groups in society - which is of course where I am, like it or not. It is similar to road rage in origin, being mostly about extreme frustration and provocation. I think road rage is always inexcusable, I should quickly say at this point. It can be very frustrating when, as a road user, you are inconvenienced by the poor driving or rude behaviour of another motorist, but to give way to that and lose your cool is always the wrong thing to do. It raises the temperature in a way that does no-one any good - and, of course, a road vehicle is a very dangerous weapon when used in an angry and uncontrolled way.
So then, where do I stand on package rage? You've been there, I'm sure. You are holding in your hand an article, purchased by you and therefore now owned by you, that you can see but can't get at. It is (I'm thinking of a recent computer peripheral I bought) encased in a double layer of thick plastic, the main purpose of which is to provide protection when stored and transported, while affording maximum visibility and advertising presence when hanging on its hook in the store. So far, so good - except that it doesn't bloody open!
You try to open it, and find there is no obvious way in. So you - all right then, I - look for a decent pair of scissors so that I can cut my way in. And I discover, first off, that the thick plastic is too thick for my heavy duty kitchen scissors; they just sort of skid off it. I am beginning to steam. I fetch a kitchen knife, and proceed to attack said plastic with it. The knife also glances off, and while it's only a small cut, suddenly there is blood everywhere. By this time you could boil eggs on my head. I raise the knife and stab the plastic package, but the red mist has by this time robbed me of any ability to aim in a controlled and careful manner. I penetrate the plastic, but also go straight through the cardboard container within (oh yes, this item is at least triple wrapped). Have I also stabbed straight through the item I have paid good money for?
I dab blood off the work surface, my shirt sleeve, and a nearby bowl of apples, then try and prise the split plastic open so that I can check. I have a remarkable ability to cut myself on things, though to be fair to myself, the sharp edges of the plastic would be lethal in almost every circumstance. Another cut, needless to say, and more blood. If I have damaged my new purchase as well as myself, I shall probably have to jump up and down on it in the best Basil Fawlty fashion, while shouting almost incomprehensible swear words. Fortunately, I haven't, which means I shall not have to explain to Ann why I have spent £35.99 on something I have then destroyed as soon as I got it home.
I suppose the conclusion has to be that package rage is understandable, even excusable . . . but in the end is most likely to end up leaving you looking and feeling very stupid. In this case, there was a little sub-plot to the main story, as I tried to open with my one available hand the overpackaged plaster I needed to repair the damage caused to my other hand. I'm pleased to record I didn't completely lose my cool all over again, but it was a close-run thing.
Oh, and before I take my leave, blister packs. Can I just sound off about them as well? The capsules I have to take every morning some in blister packs. They are supposed to "just push out", which sounds easy and foolproof enough. Why is it that every other one either sticks firmly in place, so that when at last you do provide enough pressure to release the capsule, it comes out flattened, twisted round, and quite often split with a bit of whatever it contains spilling out? And those that don't behave in that way often come snapping out at the slightest touch, so that the capsule flies across the room and has to be scrabbled for!
Oh, isn't modern life wonderful!
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